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Trauma bond definition how to#

Trauma bond definition how to#

Coping with Trauma Bonds and How to Break Them This cycle may also result in the abused person believing that the abuse is the price they have to pay in order to receive love and kindness from their partner. This kind of association can make it hard for the abused partner to see their abuser as toxic because they have begun to believe that the abuse is a show of love.Ī pattern of abuse followed by periods of remorse can also lead to a trauma bond because the remorse can give false hope that the abuser is going to change their ways. The same way that a child relies on a parent for love and support, the abused partner relies on the abuser, and over time they might start to associate love with abuse. Trauma bonds can also develop when the abused person begins to rely on the abuser as a means of fulfilling emotional needs. This is because the abuser becomes the main source of support for the other partner, and the abused partner may turn to the abuser for comfort in times of need. Trauma bonds are often the result of an unhealthy attachment. Trauma bonds can happen because of feelings of attachment and dependence, but also because of a cycle of abuse and remorse. You continue to trust your abusive partner and secretly hope you can change them.You use and fixate on the “good” days as an excuse to stick around, even if those days are few and far between.

Your partner promises to change anytime you threaten to leave, but they do not take any steps to actually do so.You feel physically or emotionally distressed whenever you do try to leave the situation.You may feel unable to leave the relationship, even if you want to.Other key signs of a trauma bond include: Unfortunately, though, these phases are then followed by periods of abuse, and this pattern continues to repeat. This cycle includes periods of time where the abuser actually does treat their partner well, which reassures the partner that everything is okay. Trauma bonds will also be cyclical in nature, meaning that they depend on a cycle of abuse in order for the relationship to continue. These are just a few examples that may help you identify this kind of toxic situation.

“I make them angry, so it is my own fault”.

“He is the love of my life and I won’t leave him”.

“She can’t help it, she is under a lot of pressure right now and is going through a lot”.

“He only acts this way because he loves me so much”.

Some common things that the abused person in a trauma bond relationship might say include:

Be unwilling to take steps to get away from the abuser or leave the relationshipīeing able to recognize certain phrases or common statements that an abused partner might make can also be helpful when trying to identify a toxic relationship.

Become defensive or hostile if others try to intervene in an attempt to stop the abuse from continuing.

Distance themselves from, or even argue with, people who are trying to help, such as family members, friends, or other loved ones.

Agree with any reasoning that the abuser may offer regarding their harmful behavior.

Trauma bonds are easily recognizable in instances where the person being abused begins to try to justify or make excuses for their abuse. Over time, though, these positive feelings start to break down, and the abuse becomes more apparent.

Trauma bonding also happens frequently in relationships where one partner is a narcissist, and the other partner feels loved and cared for by the narcissist.